Posts Tagged ‘pregnancy’

Your 1st Pregnancy versus Your 3rd

Last night, I was thinking about how different my viewpoints are on pregnancy now that I am on my 3rd set of 9 months compared to the first time around.  This whole self-reflection was triggered by a blog post and a doctor’s visit.  Yesterday, I had a maternity checkup and when the doctor asked me how I was doing, I told her that I have a lot of round ligament pain now and frequent backaches.  For those of you that don’t know, round ligament pain is a feeling like you’re being stabbed with a knife on your side just above your hips but below your belly  It’s pretty common in pregnancy as the ligaments stretch but have been quite excessive for me this time around.  As for my backaches, my doctor was realistic and said, “I don’t expect you not to carry your kids around.”  She did suggest that I invest in a maternity support belt to help with both issues.

Now what does this conversation have to do with a blog post?  I had just read a blog post written by a woman who is 1 week further along in her first pregnancy than me who bought a maternity belt to help with her own aches and pains.  I don’t scoff at any woman’s pregnancy aches and pains, but I had to chuckle a little bit at this one.  She is very physically active and her baby belly is as small as mine was at 12 weeks.  I can’t believe how tiny she is!  She looks like she’s bloated from eating a Big Mac and large fries for lunch.  How is it possible that she could need a maternity belt?!  That’s when I started remembering how your perspective changes with different pregnancies.

Take morning sickness for example.  In your first pregnancy, you survive morning sickness and think that you get it.  You really understand what morning sickness is all about.  The truth is you have no idea the severity of your suffering because you have nothing to compare it too.  Morning sickness sucks no matter how bad it is, but you may not realize that it really wasn’t that bad until you’ve gone through it a 2nd or even a 3rd time.  How annoying and insensitive is it when a mom can’t show sympathy for someone with morning sickness because she went through it and survived?  Maybe that mom’s experience wasn’t as bad as hers.  It’s hard to really understand the varying degrees of morning sickness until you have felt something different.

Sleep is another great example.  I actually don’t have sympathy for a first time mom who complains about her lack of sleep.  In your first pregnancy, your only sleep interruption is you.  Maybe you have to get up and pee, maybe your uncomfortable, maybe you wake up because you’re hungry, but you never wake up because another baby is crying and screaming for you at 2am.  You never have to start your day at 5:30am because your kid is awake and ready to play.  You never have to wait until you’ve put your child to bed for your own bed time.  You can nap or lie down and rest whenever you want.  I remember in my first pregnancy, I took a nap every day leading up to the arrival of my son.  This time around, I’m terrified that I will be exhausted before those nighttime feedings even start.

Waiting for you baby. Here is where I do have complete sympathy for the first time mom.  Waiting for your first baby can seem like it takes 9 years not 9 months.  The time just cannot go by fast enough until you can hold your baby in your arms.  In this 3rd pregnancy, I would like time to slow down a little bit so I can start preparing for having a new little one.  I felt like I blinked I was starting my 3rd trimester.

Everybody’s pregnancy experience is unique, special and exciting.  I try very hard not to tell a new mom how it’s really going to be because her experience is her own and shouldn’t be tainted by other’s stories.  I can’t help but look back on my own experiences and appreciate how much wiser I feel for having been there done that.  Although, I’m sure something new will pop up that will make feel just as inexperienced as I was the first time around.

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What Pregnant Women Don’t Want to Hear

Every pregnant woman has received a comment that makes them think, “Did you really just say that to me?” It’s annoying and disappointing. It might make you feel bad about yourself or even angry. I always wonder why this person didn’t think before he or she spoke. I admit that coming from a man, it’s more forgivable but coming from a woman, especially a woman who has experienced pregnancy, it’s shocking. Here are some of my favorites that have either been said to me or to others:

Me: I’m pregnant!
You: Oh no.
Seriously, did you just say “oh no”? I don’t care what my tone is or what I’ve said before this moment, but you should always be happy for someone who is pregnant. If not already, the pregnant woman will be excited for this new baby, but she won’t forget your reaction.

I knew you were pregnant. Your face looked fuller.
No pregnant lady wants to be told that she has gained weight in a part of her body other than her belly. Weight gain is mentally difficult to deal with even in pregnancy. Never make comments on a pregnant woman’s growing size unless it is to tell them how cute they look.

You’re just as big as [insert name here]. (and yet you’re 2 months earlier in your pregnancy)
Again, no pregnant woman wants to be told they look big. She knows how big she is.

You shouldn’t be picking up your kids.
Pregnancy is not a disability. Of course, I’m going to pick up my 1-year-old daughter. I’ll pick her up whenever she wants to be picked up.

You’re too sensitive. It must be the pregnancy hormones.
Yes, that first trimester is a bitch when it comes to fluctuating hormones. Beyond that, you’re pretty much the same person. Everybody has good days and bad days. It’s not because I’m pregnant. It might because you just told me how huge I am.

Are you trying for a girl? (said to the mom of multiple boys)
Yes, no, maybe but mostly just none of your business.  This comment is so rude.  Most people I know do not taking having a baby lightly.  It’s a decision that is made not based on a desire for a son or a daughter but a desire to expand their family.   Who cares if they have a gender preference.  If they want to share it with you, they will.  Don’t make assumptions.